30 Old 30 Young
30 Old 30 Young explores the fascinating contrasts of life in your thirties through the eyes of two cousins living vastly different paths. Join us as we navigate the uncertainties of adult life, from career choices to lifestyle decisions, through both a globetrotting adventurer's and a family-focused perspective.
Our main episodes dive deep into real-life challenges facing thirty-somethings today, while our mini-episodes break down the three best and worst aspects of pivotal adult life scenarios.
Whether you're questioning your life choices, seeking perspective, or just wanting to hear honest conversations about adulting, this podcast offers authentic insights into the beautiful chaos of your third decade. New episodes released weekly, featuring raw discussions about career transitions, relationships, mental health, and the endless quest for work-life balance. Your thirties don't come with a manual - but this podcast comes pretty close.
30 Old 30 Young
Swallowing Your Pride: Moving Back Home
What happens when life turns upside down in your 30’s and you may need to move back home?
We discuss how parenting doesn't stop at 18, and the emotional landscape of opening your doors to loved ones in need can be littered with both rewards and challenges.
We share frustrations over misconceptions that parenting ends when children reach adulthood and highlight the critical role parents play in fostering mental health and resilience.
Through poignant examples and lively exchanges, we discuss the ongoing responsibilities of parenting, the necessity of setting boundaries, and the importance of open communication. Ultimately, we embrace the idea that family support is pivotal not just in times of crisis but also in nurturing a strong foundation that encourages growth and independence.
Let us know what you think!
We hope you enjoy! X
Thanks for Listening, find more content at our Instagram @30old30young
Welcome to this week's episode of 30 Old, 30 Young, the podcast, where we try to decide are these the good old days or are these days getting old? You know, don't like it. I think that's a good tagline. I don't like it. Are these the good old days or are these days getting old? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I know it's one of those. I don't like it. Are these the good old days, or are these days getting old?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah yeah, I know it's one of those. It's a grower, it's a grower because you're like these are the good old, these are the good days, and I'm like my fucking knees hurt, you know one of them, but you're not high, are you really?
Speaker 1:you just heard my literally my knee just popped, sitting down. So that's true, um, but yeah, thank you for joining us again and thank you for all who listened last week and the week before, the week before, the week before, thank you for all those who have liked, subscribed, giving us five stars. It really helps just shove us up the charts a bit, really helps just kind of get our name out there a bit more and, you know, direct people our way, um, who want to listen, who want to have a moan, have a gripe, or, you know, live with their head in the clouds like charlotte in a perfect little world. Cheers, babes, yeah, um so, but today, speaking of perfect little worlds, we're talking about the home the home the well leaving home leaving home finding home and then potentially moving back home oh
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah let's get started, yeah so where are you with?
Speaker 1:like, what is your situation with?
Speaker 2:it say you've got I mean, I feel like we should ease in slow. What? No, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:I was more thinking like so you're growing up, right? You're like are you saying I can't, like I want to move out straight away at 18? I want to move, I want to get out of here as soon as possible. Or are you like you should stay until you're ready to leave?
Speaker 2:I feel like you should stay until you're ready to leave, for sure, but there's a certain cutoff point, isn't there? Within reason yeah, so to speak, but you should hope that your child would want to be working hard to get their independence. So there is a cut off, but I do truly feel that you should feel like you've got your parents support, yeah, and feel like it is a home and it's there whenever you need them yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:No, I'm well, that's a fun podcast. I already agree with you straight away. But there is the is the caveat of within reason, like when brin and coop get to like 18, 19, 20, if they're not, if they don't know what they want to do, if they they don't want. I mean you can not know what you want to do and just jump in something, move to London, move to Cape Town, whatever, just go out and just explore, do what you want, and you could come back in a few years later and be like, oh shit, that didn't really work. Take you got to take that leap right. Yeah, but at the same time I do want to make sure they're ready to take the leap. You know, I want to make sure they've got like the harness on and the knee pads and everything, the helmet that's the best way yeah, the.
Speaker 1:Thing is.
Speaker 2:It's like that, saying a dog is not, but a dog is for life, not just for christmas. And it's same applies with kids. They are for life. So when you go in to having children, listen, when you go in and say, right, we're gonna have kids, you talk to your partner, you go and have children so you've got to know.
Speaker 2:You've got that responsibility for life. It's not just when they're a little baby and they're all cute and cuddly oh yeah, even there's a lot of words that where people don't actually understand before they have kids. But it's not just about the baby stage. It's about the teenagers, when they are being little shits and probably being naughty at school. And it's when they are in their 20s and they are struggling. They don't know where they want to go in life and they just have no idea and they have breakups with boyfriends, girlfriends, and they need support. And you're hearing their same old story 50 times and you're like I thought it's so boring, but you chose to have that kid you've got to be a parent and bloody.
Speaker 1:Look after them, absolutely, absolutely like my, my parents have always said like the house is always there, home's always there, like that will always be a place to go back to if shit, it's the fan, if things go wrong. Whatever that you know early on. This is at uni. You know, I had a flop year at Loughborough Uni and after what? Seven months at Loughborough Uni came home, went back home again because I simply wasn't ready for uni wasn't for me, I mean and then went back to starting the new year. But I had a place to go back to, whereas if I think, if my parents were very much like a, you're out there now, see, ya, why do you want to start off life in survival?
Speaker 1:that's it.
Speaker 2:That's it, why would you want your kids to be like that. Even if there was none of this what you hear on social media about, I've thought this since I was five, six, seven. I've thought of it all my life what that like you should look after your kids, yeah wow, I mean no take no, I can't remember what you were saying then, but I just remember thinking you were interjecting me like you'd look after your fucking kids.
Speaker 1:All right, no but you were saying what were you saying, and I was trying to say it, but you just dived in and been like are you looking after your kids? No, I'm. I'm saying you always want to give them a place to go back to. But like you will also have the parents that will complain like, oh, you don't know how good you've got it. You know, when I was, I was chucked out down the coal mines and you know that's what I had to do. It's like, yeah, but what you do as a parent, you work to create a life that makes your kids' lives easier. Then your kids will work to make their kids' lives easier. Then it gets easier and easier and easier.
Speaker 1:So that's why we're not fucking hunter-gatherers anymore, right, yeah, because we've slowly tried to to have that home hub for them to come back to. That's why my parents said they'd never like charge me rent or anything like that. They would just and that's obviously a privileged position to be in they don't need to, so they won't, if you see what I mean, because some parents were like if you're moving back in with your fucking 25 year old appetite, they're going to be like you.
Speaker 2:Jesus, I can't afford you to love it, yeah, but then surely you create a kid or you teach them to have manners and to have empathy and to think about the other person where you wouldn't want to take the piss.
Speaker 1:no, yeah, but people. So when you move home you're not going to just. But familiarity breeds contempt, right?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, but.
Speaker 1:So people will at first at first it's like any. It's like a job right, job right or a job interview.
Speaker 2:When they go into a job, into okay, nerves aside, that is the best version, really you're gonna see of that person.
Speaker 1:That is where they're going to be trying their hardest to impress you. So if they don't really impress you in the job interview, there's a very good chance they're not going to suddenly start impressing you. If you give them the job right, yeah, they're usually just going to go straight down again. So when the kid moves home, if at first they'll be like tied in the room and doing all this stuff, like well, I'm looking after stuff, but then eventually they will kind of they could, if you're not careful, revert back into being a kid again, right, and having stuff picked up for them and yeah, but that's where you shouldn't be doing too much.
Speaker 1:That's where you need to be like. I'm happy for you to be here within reason. How many jobs have you applied for today? None, all right. Fantastic, why. What are we doing? Because I saw this tiktok of this girl being like I've moved back home with my parents. They thought I was applying for jobs. Today, however, I learned how to play piano, man, by billy joel, and so you just see the dad sat there like he's impressed, but he's like all day she's been I tell you what it.
Speaker 2:it is hard, though, because you don't know what the kid's going to come out like. They could be, that's it. They could be an absolute disaster.
Speaker 1:They could be horrible what straight out from birth.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know, but you can't really control what the personality's going to be like. Can you really?
Speaker 1:What is it? 50, 50% surround and 50% nurture, so it's 0%. The kid's fault, really.
Speaker 2:Oh Because it's where they grow up and which house they grow up in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but then they say they only grow up on what they see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but say if they've actually got a problem which makes them different Of course, of course, if there's special needs and they need EHCPs and things like that and they need this guidance and counselling, then yeah, hopefully they're in a home that sees these things happening and reports it and gets them the help they need and gets them to the places that are available, right. However, special needs children are a small percentage of children, right. So, on a whole, I think no matter what, and the home is always open for the kids.
Speaker 2:However, don't take the piss, you know yeah, but that's where you draw the line and you put you are a bit stern with them, aren't you? Yeah? Because I think at the same time to be stern, you can't just be a walkover, yeah because you have got, you are, you're an adult now.
Speaker 1:Right, that's it, you are when?
Speaker 2:what do you class as an adult?
Speaker 1:well, they, they all say it is getting pushed back, yeah I would say it's a good, probably like 26, 27.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, because I feel like you get to that, because it takes, say, if you don't know what you want to do in your career, it takes time, like it took me ages to actually get anywhere, to be honest, because I'd start from the bottom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly like literally going in cleaning 10 000 plates and you're hoping you're kind of giving your children the permission and the possibility if you you know, if you, if you're helping them out, you're not charging rent, that they don't have to focus on rent and like the nitty-gritty of life and they can go out and try something else. You're giving them like a safety net, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, good to go out and try and try and do their own thing well, what annoys me is when you've got parents who are charging board when they can't afford it. That's adding stress to your kids, and why would you want to push them into a water full of crocodiles, full of stress, when you could just be helping them?
Speaker 1:but they solve. It's the. I wouldn't charge my no.
Speaker 2:No, I Unless they're in a salary job and they're getting money. Yeah, okay, then you can be like oh well, then they'll take the piss and they won't get a full-time job. They could be lazy and sobbing at home, but I wouldn't. Yeah, it's so hard, isn't it? Yeah, it's say for me, for instance, I like to live a good life, and to live a good life you need money. So if I had a kid, they've got to realize that they need to earn it yeah, you've got it.
Speaker 1:You've got to show that hard work makes, you know, makes for the things that you've got right, yeah, but then. But it's hard because you want to give your kids absolutely everything I don't think I would, but it's hard because you kind of like it's so hard.
Speaker 1:But if you know, if you're in a position to give your kids absolutely everything, yeah, but I don't think I would, but it's hard because you kind of like it's so hard. But if you're in a position to give your kids everything, you kind of want to do it, but then you also do have to tell them, like you know, this is from working hard. The reason we have these things is from working hard.
Speaker 2:See, yeah, I don't know what I would do, to be honest, but at the same, time would I just like you know I wouldn't give them everything because you wouldn't want them to be spoiled, yeah, but I would give them a good home for sure, absolutely. I'd give them a safe haven where they feel they are safe at home, they are happy, they're in a nice environment and also that I am their biggest supporter in life.
Speaker 1:And I think as long as you've got those foundations, then you are going to have to put other things in to make sure that they are not being lazy, they're being tidy, yeah, and I mean I'm all for like Bree's, all for like you know, you know, let them, let them be free into you know, go go into the world, and all that. All that kind of stuff I'm very much for like I want a big plot of land where brin's got her family, coop's got his family and we've got our house so close together and we're all just on this massive compound. I would that is, that is the dream for me, and I know it's mad.
Speaker 1:You should have been born into the royal family, they're all like that or or like I don't know, or having a farm in the 1930s or something, where there's 27 people of the same family living on one place. You know, I just want a big plot of land for them all and they're all linked, a massive communal area in the middle. They can run across to granddad's house, they can run across to their auntie's house.
Speaker 2:It would be nice, wouldn't it?
Speaker 1:It's in a perfect world, because who's she going to marry this?
Speaker 2:is the other thing this compound dream could be. You added more into the mix.
Speaker 1:Now Compound it could be great if she's married a massive knob. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know what I'd do if I had a kid and they just married someone that I just did not approve of it's one of those, isn't it because the more you? This is why I'm just gonna stay my dog mate right now.
Speaker 1:Another dog right now I'm not even. We're not even doing the parenting bit. We're just doing the like, the surviving part, making sure they get through the day and making sure you know that they're learning how to read and write, that kind of thing.
Speaker 1:The parenting bit, I'm fucking worried about yeah when you've got a yeah yeah because then that's where you've got to like, try and steer, because the more you tell a kid they can't have something anymore, they want something and that will go into sweets and into relationships if you tell them I really don't like that guy. Drugs, yeah, that's it, but then it's money. Well, it goes one of two ways.
Speaker 1:Like my parents, let me drink from a young age and I think I would if I had a kid yeah, but I can go one or two ways where they're like well, and what I would do is I drink from a young age with them or like with a few friends at their house, that kind of thing. But and I tell you, young age I was, like you know, 15, 16 yeah but it would still be in moderation. It would still be like yeah, we just teach them. But you're teaching them like don't go, fucking stupid yeah, because this is a consequence, but you also happen.
Speaker 1:but also what it's doing is it's saying dad's saying here's my alcohol cupboard, there's no lock on it, it it's open. I could have theoretically been making my own drinks every single day. I could have come home from work post rugby and just made a fucking Mai Tai, but I didn't, because it was there it was available.
Speaker 1:But why? Because it's available, so I could have just done it every day, but because it was available I didn. And it's a hard line to tread, because I know people whose parents made everything available to them and they're having a bad time with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but do they do that to hide something?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what else is going on? Yeah, and it's a fucking minefield, Exactly that's it.
Speaker 2:You could say something, guys, just don't want to have any kids.
Speaker 1:It's a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 2:You could go into it.
Speaker 1:You're going to mesh your kids up, no matter what you do.
Speaker 2:Right this is why I'm terrified. Give them everything you'll fuck them up, give them nothing you'll fuck them up.
Speaker 1:This is why I'm terrified don't have them because you've ruined them the moment they're born.
Speaker 2:It's game over yeah, but it's not. Though. Is it really?
Speaker 1:no, because they're cute and great and you've got to take the wins so, for instance, career she wanted, she had very fully supportive parents when traveling the world.
Speaker 2:Maybe was it the world which went traveling. Well, she'd go traveling some pretty places like blimmin. Mars, where she went to like where was it which went to Bali?
Speaker 1:I was going to say Bali, that's weird to Bali.
Speaker 2:She went to Australia, where's a really nice place near Australia? No, looks like paradise. Oh, polynesia.
Speaker 1:Looks like paradise. Oh, polynesia, no, my geography that's for a future episode our knowledge weak points.
Speaker 2:My geography is fucking shot but she went to all these places and in those days it was just not a thing to do she knew what she wanted to do but got a little bit trapped.
Speaker 1:She was the OG gapia girl. Right, she went out, had a little travel about, came back nose to the grindstone, get shit done. But the thing is, these days I think because I was listening to it on the radio today they were talking about people that are more likely to be off sick and not wanting to go into work. These days are young people Like 24 to 27 years old. They're classed as young people. Right, they don't want to work anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but come on, is this just society? I class myself as young, I am young people.
Speaker 1:I maybe that's what this podcast is about. We're trying to work out if we are or not.
Speaker 2:I'm not I'm young, yeah, for sure yeah sure I've got my dream still. Yeah, life hasn't crumbled me just yet okay, it's fucking tried.
Speaker 1:It tries daily kids, kids, these days don't want to fucking work. Yeah, so okay, me and Nepo. Baby, the kids don't want to work.
Speaker 2:I'd be working around the clock if I needed to yeah.
Speaker 1:But what you've done is, First of all, you're on the property ladder right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so.
Speaker 1:I think no. Do you know what the average age to get on the property ladder is in England? Now, what Guess 32?
Speaker 2:No 45? Lower 40? Up 41?.
Speaker 1:Up 42? 42. That's fucking mad, because when did you get on?
Speaker 2:26. And then I was. I think I was the first one, I was 20.
Speaker 1:Okay, when I got the flat in Derby? Why? I think I was the first one. I was 20 when I got the flat in Derby, why?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I used my student loan, but a student loan back then could buy, yeah, but you're a different kettle of fish.
Speaker 1:No, but a student loan back then could buy something. A student loan now, because I got a three grand student loan and that went towards a deposit for a flat that was £70,000. Those don't exist anymore. Well, yeah, there is a bit of a crisis on the point for sure, and because rent's up as well, you can't really get yourself out the hole. And also, what kind of mortgages can you get these days? When I did that flat, I was on a 5% mortgage. You can't get that these days Nothing.
Speaker 2:It's a hard one, isn't it? It is a hard one, and that's why you need to bring up your kids to understand budgeting, understanding finances, to make sure you're helping them so they're not in survival mode when they're living at home. Yeah, you're helping them with the savings you know. Charge them a bit of board when they've got a job, but put it into a savings account for them there's that.
Speaker 1:I've seen that as well. Yeah, you charge them rent, but then you never cash it and it becomes like money for their first car or something. Yeah, exactly for sure, because they because you do things, you help them because people do the whole.
Speaker 1:People do the charging rent thing to be like when I'm not around. You need to realize this is a thing you're going to have to pay for every single month, that kind of thing, yeah. However, in hindsight, if I'm not around, that means the kids have got a mortgage house so they won't have to pay rent. Yeah, so that's what their fingers crossed for, yeah, and then moving back in, where are you at with that? You're 65 years old.
Speaker 2:I mean if.
Speaker 1:And your 20-year-old. Let's do the maths. 20-year-old is like I'm coming back. I went away, I'm coming back.
Speaker 2:If they are struggling in life, my door is always open as it is to anyone in life. My door is always open to anyone You've taken in strays.
Speaker 1:I mean no, that's, every fucking that's every murder podcast she lights up a room she was always taking in strays but I would, yeah, friends and family, my door is always open, for sure okay, and it's the same for kids.
Speaker 2:Why would you say no, you're not coming home? Bolt the door up. Why would you do that? It's mental like you had that you chose. Would you say no, you're not coming home? Bolt the door up. Why would you?
Speaker 1:do that. It's mental.
Speaker 2:You chose to fucking have that person.
Speaker 1:They would have to do something so heinous, so egregious, for me to not talk to them or not let them in and stay. They would have to have, the last time I invited them, have killed someone in the house. That's probably the only way I'd be like no, you can't come in, because after what happened last time, no, that's the only, that's the only way. I can't imagine what again. It's hard, though isn't it?
Speaker 2:because, again, if they are, if you've got a vile relationship, it's toxic and you know it's just not good, because I know people who are in that position, yeah, where they have been an absolute dick and their parents could never have them back again because it would cause an immense stress. There's always a line, but I think if it's just a normal happy world, yeah, I've got a good relationship with them. They are decent people. Come home, let them save up a bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because at the same time, if you, if you've had a son and then over time grows up to hate you and just becomes this massive, angry, six foot three unit bloke in your house who can't stand you exactly.
Speaker 2:You're not gonna want to be around it. That's it, yeah, but there is always times where you do have to draw a line for sure yeah, but I just hope I never even.
Speaker 1:I don't think I'm hoping. You know, touch wood, it never gets to a drawing the line point because you just don't push it. I think you know the amount of run-ins I've had with mum and dad, like it's never gone past the point where they're not opening the door yeah, they're not wanting, like you know, open the door for a conversation, for to like patch things up, because if you don't resolve something, you're just going to repeat it yeah you have to talk about it.
Speaker 1:So that's what I would have to do. You know you talk about it, but be like, if you are going to come back here, we've got to set in some rules. Yeah, it is like we've said. It's a minefield. You can move your kid back in, it can go well and you really give them a good platform to launch them from, or they don't ever leave and you've got, you know, a third wheel in your house. But it's also your kids. So you know they say you spend 75% of the time you're gonna spend with your kids by the time they're six years old.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course so everything else after that is a bonus right so I, I see, unless they're just horrible to be around, which you know means that me and brie are horrible to be around because they are the best of us, it's gonna come from somewhere, absolutely um so if they are horrendous to be around, then that's just what we've got to have to deal with and try and sort out, because we've got to sort out somehow yeah, absolutely and when else can you do it, except when you're all living together again?
Speaker 1:so you and I, we are in our happy clappy head in the clouds that, no matter what our kids can move back home, no matter what they've done, no matter anything. No, basically, our doors are open to friends and family and all that lot. Our doors are open. However, you've got some kids that we you'd probably close the door on or open. Keep the door open, for we got to decide oh gosh, sorry, I'm reading this one is is it dark?
Speaker 1:yes, I mean I think, yeah, try it so we're gonna listen to some stories of other parents going through this dilemma of should they stay or should they go when it comes to their kids moving, moving in, moving out, um, and we're gonna see where we're at with it right.
Speaker 2:So I've got a woman, a mother, my 25 year old daughter and her boyfriend recently faced a 40% rent hike and couldn't afford their apartment. They plan to move in with his parents temporarily, but they won't let her. She proposed moving back in with us for six months to save up my husband and I feel she should learn to be independent and not rely on us. She offered to pay rent, but would only accept it if she covered the full market rate plus utilities, which would leave her unable to save. Now she's sharing a two-bedroom apartment with six people, some of whom she doesn't trust. She's been distant lately and I'm worried this is affecting our relationship yeah, no shit, okay now.
Speaker 1:So, hey, dad, I want to. Um, if possible, can I move back home for six months? Because if I save six months of rent, say she's spending 1500 quid. Let's say she's in a capital city, she's spending 1500 quid minimum a month, right, yeah, so she's theoretically going to save if she's being realistic and she actually does set that rent money aside yeah, she's going to save.
Speaker 1:Well over 10 grand could be a deposit on something outside of it. Anyway, it gives her money, it gives her an opportunity to get out there and he's gone. Yeah, you can save outside of basically paying me the rent instead honestly what do you mean? You're mad about that. Why it's not?
Speaker 2:it's unreasonable but this is my prime example where parents you choose to have a child.
Speaker 1:You've got to be there, yeah, but you, you're, if you're a parent for life no, but I'm saying if they, let's say, they downsize and they're in a one bed flat, yeah, and they're like, can we move in? And like, uh, we don't, we don't actually have the room for it.
Speaker 2:Different story yeah, but then I'd be like let's just come home six months. I'm saying six months.
Speaker 1:You're gonna be with your daughter again, but, however, was it their daughter or daughter-in-law? Their daughter because they said they wanted to move in which you're gonna move, oh, with the her, so her boyfriend, the daughter's boy oh, they asked the boyfriend's parents and they said no immediately I think it might be to her yeah, big red to her, to her, they don't want her to live there well, that's a big red flag, so she might be a bit of a shit no, it could just be shit.
Speaker 1:Parenting on both parts no, no, but they're well within their rights to be like. You can move back son, but your girlfriend, yeah, not sure about it is because it's still girlfriend, right for sure. Yeah, however, to teach my daughter a lesson to the detriment of her safety is nuts. You will learn. I know you're living with six people you don't trust, but you're going to learn either this way or the hard way, like I would rather. It just boggles my mind.
Speaker 2:It actually makes me so angry Because I just feel so sorry for people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, truly.
Speaker 2:Because so many people have kids when they shouldn't be a parent.
Speaker 1:Well, because people, people, when like the kids get to 18, they're like parenting done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's not.
Speaker 1:See ya yeah.
Speaker 2:Life is hard.
Speaker 1:They're going to come back, you know.
Speaker 2:You know you need your parents, especially with the. If there's anyone out on this listening to this podcast now, who's not got kids?
Speaker 1:who's thinking?
Speaker 2:about kids wanting a baby because it looks cute. Have a thing, think about that spare bedroom. Have a thing. It's not just for like a few years, it is for life and you're gonna need to be that strong person in their life you dream about that man cave who? Is always gonna be there. Get over it where's your peloton?
Speaker 1:gonna go nowhere. The kids are back. You're gonna have to sell your peloton because the kids might need to help them financially at some point do you think that parents that don't let their kids come back are just annoyed at themselves because they see themselves as a failure for not setting their kids up properly? For life.
Speaker 2:I think they're selfish, I think they want. So I was just trying. I was trying to give like a little bit selfish give a little bit of psychoanalysis on it. No, I'm selfish. No, they're absolutely selfish. Yeah, for sure I want another one.
Speaker 1:Okay, I want you to find one where I'm like yeah, fuck that, they're not. That kid's the worst.
Speaker 2:Do you know what I really do? Hope that her daughter was okay.
Speaker 1:Well, I hope so too. Living with six people? Christ, I mean, I did do that once. Yeah, it happens, and it was. I did have a very good time. Yeah, I went to my friend's house in London. He was doing the you know, living with 17 people in a shitty flat and, you know, trying to make it in film and TV.
Speaker 1:And now he's doing really well for himself and he had a crack in time. He's a very sociable guy, so he does well in that kind of stuff, but he's now doing really well for himself. So he's what is it? Suck it and see. The way I'm looking at it is you can be in a flat with multiple people and have a good time. However, like, how long do you have a good time for? Like, will it, you know, because there's going to be a roommate honeymoon period, isn't there when everything's great, oh, we're going out every night, and stuff like that. And then at some certain point it's gonna be like you don't go out one night they all come back absolutely pissed.
Speaker 2:You're like can they shut the fuck up?
Speaker 1:you know yeah, so I don't. Your kids have got to go through that like I did it at uni.
Speaker 2:You know I'm on a floor with six people, you know here's another one, you ready oh right, yep my husband and I have two grown kids a 26 year old daughter and a 28 year old son. Our daughter struggled with anxiety after college, spent time living with us and eventually gained confidence to get a job and her own apartment there we go.
Speaker 2:Recently she lost her job and broke up with her boyfriend. Oh bless her. She wants to move back home, but after discussing it, we decided against it. We're concerned it would undo her progress. Are they fucking joking? Oh my god, are they joking? Though we plan to help with job hunting and some financial support, she's upset and feels abandoned. Are we wrong for not letting her move back? Yes, you fucking well are?
Speaker 1:that is just like you run the course of antibiotics. You don't just take the antibiotics and when you start to feel better you stop taking them. Your kid is always going to have the anxiety issues and then, if they have such a trigger moment of losing their job and then losing their whole world. Yeah, they're like oh, do you know? Luckily I've got my parents to fall back on. They'll help me out and they go fuck off you made so much progress if you come back, you're gonna relapse into anxiety.
Speaker 1:Imagine that anxiety that's gonna kick off she's well, she's already, she's already anxious as fuck. And they're like, yeah, I don't want it. We, we've done the hard work, we did it once.
Speaker 2:It's not a fix-all, it's a hard job being a bearer.
Speaker 1:It's hard, but it's also rewarding it's also rewarding, and the rewarding part is that your kids feel safe enough to come home and they don't have like the social stigma around it being like I'm never, never moving home with my parents. They're fucking losers, you know. They want. They want to come back. They want to feel the safety net of the house, the home you brought them up in. They feel safe to come back. You let them come back.
Speaker 2:Your child wants to speak to you about a problem, you're there to listen, give advice. That's it. You're there to to overload them with loads of chores today.
Speaker 1:No, but at the same time it's mental that they are their own case study of it working. Their child had anxiety issues and they talked them through it, helped them, got them prepped to go out there. And you know it didn't work out. This time she comes back. We try again.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But mental to be like. Well, we did it once, that'll do. She's had one undone mate.
Speaker 2:That is it. They should have stuck with dogs actually.
Speaker 1:Well, they have anxiety too. Fucking bonfire night.
Speaker 2:It depends what dog you get. Mine's perfect. She doesn't have anxiety.
Speaker 1:Okay, she just sits there silently, scared, and her diary is all over the carpet. What that's what Murphy used to do. Murphy didn't used to get scared, he used to oh, he's fine with the fireworks, and then he would just be a cloud of yeah, a cloud of browns. I want one more, please, because I want to have a child that I would close the door on their face.
Speaker 2:Well, it's quite, he would have to be the worst, and I'm saying he as well.
Speaker 1:I know it's bad, but it but it just.
Speaker 2:It just seems like perfect yeah, well, just boys are more likely to be knobheads aren't they really you ready?
Speaker 1:okay, so your angle here is that you're gonna get a kid kicked out. No, what's happening? What's this one?
Speaker 2:let me just tell you and you can make up I have a 27 year old daughter with six kids what the 27 year old has 6 kids oh my god, if you're old enough for 6 kids you're old enough for a house, ages 10 months to 10 years, living with us after being evicted.
Speaker 2:They've been here for over a year and while we've helped without asking for rent, the house is cramped and they've been asking for extra help. On christmas eve, my daughter announced she's pregnant with baby number seven and my husband and I decided it was time for them to move out. We told them they have two months to find a place. My daughter is upset, claiming we're being unfair and posted on facebook saying we don't care about her. Am I the arsehole?
Speaker 1:all the facebook things rude yeah, I know, but some people just know, but the face, the facebook's, where I'm like why, why are you not doing laundry? You know, yeah, I get that um, but at the same time, the time, the time to move out was before she got pregnant. Now she's pregnant. That is not the time to move out. That's very much the time to have her stay because she's fucking pregnant.
Speaker 2:So she's not going to be able to get a job she's not going to be able to do anything. She's obviously a bit careless, isn't she?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, but there isn't a limit on how many kids you can have, I know but she's careless If you can't look after the six. Yeah, but 27? She's not even paying rent, so I think she's very careless. It's, yeah, looking a gift in the mouth, isn't it? She's? That is the example of familiarity breeds contempt. They've had her back in, you know, with the six kids. It's cramped and still she's pushing for more and they want more help. No rent, they're not helping out they're.
Speaker 2:Obviously their bills must be through the fucking roof, but would you look at their parenting to have a daughter, like that part of me, depending on their financial?
Speaker 1:situation, the parents, I'd be like. I tell you what you go away with like take, take two of the kids, we'll look after the four, sort yourself out and then we'll reconvene, because you're not going to be able to make a go of it with fucking six kids and one in the oven. You're not going to be able to do it. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's hard enough to do it by yourself. But also, what's the not to be like?
Speaker 1:oh, the man should be bringing home, not mention the partner he's definitely around well, he's definitely around because yeah, she's just done a baby imagine imagine though oh, can you watch the kids tonight, and then they get pregnant. Oh, um no, that's mental, that's crazy, that is. That is where I'm getting to the limits of being like you are taking. You're taking the piss now you are exactly however, you still. She got a. However, you still got a vic. However, you just go. Well, I'm. If we are in the smash 27, 28 years ago, then this situation wouldn't be happening or if we just were better parents, or in no or in like educated, or in five years when she does move out and she's moved.
Speaker 1:She's moved to a different state with the kids and we don't see them as much anymore. Are we going to think back fondly? And when we had them all under this roof? Yeah, yeah, you know you, you got to think what would you do? I would. I couldn't kick out my pregnant daughter.
Speaker 2:She could have 15 kids and I'd be like jesus christ.
Speaker 1:This, I feel like this is getting dangerous, that you're having this many kids but you couldn't do it because that is like the most vulnerable she could be yeah you know, and but then do.
Speaker 2:When do you have to learn a lesson?
Speaker 1:well, what is the lesson to? I mean?
Speaker 2:what, what type of family for your life? What are they for are?
Speaker 1:they from a family that was open to you know, talking about you know safe sex and stuff like that, or did they like never talk about it? And suddenly she gets pregnant at 17, 16 if she's got, if she's got a 10 year old by 27. She got pregnant at 16 and that's.
Speaker 2:You know that happens I mean I feel like the parents should have healed before they had children.
Speaker 1:I'm just gonna put it all back on them yeah you can't always blame the parents for everything though you could stick on a condom, jesus christ no, I know I'm joking but like she got evicted in the first place, like, could you have prevention better than cure? If she already had a place, could you have helped out with that place. But then you got the parents paying two rents, but then your dependents. Now we're going to be your dependents until they're fucking 45 years old.
Speaker 2:They're just going to be your dependents.
Speaker 1:I just feel so sorry for the kids, like the grandkids that's it, because they didn't choose to be born and now they're having to deal with this, and let's face it, the mom's gonna have no money, and if it's, cramped.
Speaker 1:If it's cramped, you know there's just going to be arguments over everything. You know, the dad, the granddad's going to come down one day and he's just going to tread in a bit of spilt milk and in his new, in his wet socks now, and he's just going to be like fuck, who's done? And he's just gonna. They're not going to see the best other granddad you know, people complicate life so much, don't they?
Speaker 2:obviously mistakes can happen that's fine but if you're careful you won't have kids. I am. I do get every one in. However many can have four pregnant by accident.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:But I've never fallen pregnant. It's because I've always made certain that I'm okay.
Speaker 1:Play it safe.
Speaker 2:I mean, this is where I one day do fall pregnant and it happens by accident and I'll be eating my foot, won't I?
Speaker 1:That's a weird craving, but yeah, that one is a difficult one. However, I'm still not kicking her out.
Speaker 2:No, I wouldn't, no, I wouldn't, I'd kick the fucking boyfriend out.
Speaker 1:You can piss off mate. You're not helping. Actually, you're probably safe. For nine months you can't get pregnant again. But after that you fuck off, you go away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we don't know about the boyfriend.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, he's got nine months now. I'll tell you what you've got. Until this baby's born, rent free, you go out and you just earn, earn, earn.
Speaker 2:Get yourself back on your feet no, they'd have to pay rent, but then I'll put a stash for them.
Speaker 1:Yeah okay, but you know, the old like that's, that's like the britain's got talent, where it's like I didn't like that, I loved it. So that's where we're at. We're both. We're both bleeding hearts, I guess, and we couldn't find a reason as to why we would ever kick our kids out or not let them back in. We'll put a poll out there why would you kick your kids out? And we'll just see if there's any reasons, because I think people would be struggling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but they could be arseholes.
Speaker 1:Or they could have been the kids that got kicked out, and how are they doing now? I want to hear if someone got kicked out at like 12 um, but yeah, thanks for listening.
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